Gratitude Practice for the Willful: A DBT Perspective

Kat Schultz
3 hours ago
3 min read

A silhouette of a person with their arms outstretched against a golden sky.

Gratitude practice is scientifically proven to improve physical and mental health. However, practicing gratitude can feel uncomfortable for many folks for a variety of reasons. While gratitude isn't explicitly a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill, it aligns with DBT and there are DBT skills that can help you complete your practice.

DBT is a synthesis of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and Zen Buddhism. It incorporates the foundation of CBT with mindfulness skills. It's used to treat emotion dysregulation and self-destructive behaviors, among other mental health struggles.

Willfulness in DBT is a resistance towards being open to change and acceptance, often due to fear or trauma. Its opposite is Willingness, a skill meant to be cultivated. Gratitude practice can often bring up willfulness.

Perhaps it feels scary to reflect on the positives in case you "jinx" them and they disappear. Or maybe you feel guilty for the privileges you have in your life. You could even have trouble thinking of things to be grateful for while in a deep depression. Whatever the reason, gratitude can sometimes be uncomfortable which can shut down the willingness to try the practice. Here are a few DBT-inspired tips to help you cultivate the willingness to be grateful.

Start Small & Build Mastery

Start by incorporating gratitude into your life in small, manageable ways. One of the best ways to practice gratitude is to start a gratitude journal. Write down one thing you're grateful for every day. If that's too much, try starting with a few times a week. Set a reminder if you need to! As this becomes more doable over time, increase the frequency or the number of things you list.

List Little Pleasures and/or Basic Needs

Many folks struggle with figuring out what to be grateful for. You can be grateful for anything under the sun, but if you're having trouble picking something, try thinking of a small thing that brought you joy today. Reflect on that and list it in your gratitude journal. If that's not possible, consider the basic needs that are met for you right now. Do you have a roof over your head or food on your table? These are things to be grateful for!

Try to be Nonjudgmental

Some people struggle with guilt during gratitude practice. Having your basic needs met when others do not can bring up complicated feelings. It's a reality of our current, unfair world that everyone has different privileges and reflecting what you do have can cultivate humility and empathy for those who don't have the same things. Being grateful for your own life doesn't negate the suffering or make it worse for others, so try to be nonjudgmental (a DBT Mindfulness skill!) towards yourself during this practice.

Practice DBT Mindfulness Skills

Using the What skills and the How skills, be mindful while practicing gratitude. This helps you experience the emotions fully and bank the health benefits. Observe, describe and participate (What skills) your internal experience while listing what you're grateful for. Additionally, start to notice in the moment when you feel gratitude during an experience rather than waiting to list it later.

Try these DBT skills and tips for starting your gratitude practice!

We teach these skills as part of our DBT trainings for mental health providers and you can learn them for yourself in our self-paced DBT skills course.